I feel like I've seen this before.
There always seems to be a common theme that relationships have. Someone as observant as myself picks up on things like this for some reason, but it’s happening so often. That theme is the sense of entitlement to another person. On the surface, it’s not a horrible way of thinking, as you and another person have come to a consensus decision to be mutually exclusive. “You’re mine” is basically the mindset, and there’s nothing wrong with that if you envision yourself with this person for the long term. The issue of entitlement occurs when boundaries are overstepped, and that can happen whether together, and definitely while apart. I briefly touched on this topic in my last post, “Ex Games”, but I want to get more in-depth with it here. Follow me though…
What are these boundaries that I’m speaking of? Well, let me just set it up this way for you. Many humans who are in relationships, or have been in relationships, turn into very territorial individuals, and believe it or not, this is not gender exclusive. If you believe “what’s mine, is mine”, that’s cool, until what you believe is yours isn’t truly “yours” anymore. I hope I didn’t lose you there. Breakups are common (I know. It’s sad), and “moving on” is usually what should follow after a breakup, but many partners don’t like the idea of them being left in the past. It must be ego-striking to have to stomach the fact that someone you’ve devoted so much time and energy into is now moving on without you, and it doesn’t even have to necessarily be with another person. To me, it’s a dangerous way to think, and by believing that someone belongs to you, still, after a breakup or separation, you start to move like a psycho.
I can’t think of exactly why people are territorial, but I do have some ideas. Maybe it has to do with hope. The hope that your current ex may still have some feelings for you (highly possible), and by you keeping them close and away from others, as if they’re still yours, will disallow them from catching feelings for someone else, and ultimately losing their feelings for you. But if that was the case, aren’t there better ways of achieving a common ground, rather than bombarding them with your presence at inappropriate times, and making certain situations uncomfortable because that’s your ex? I think so.
Another factor that plays a part in why some people may be territorial is regret. Yes, regretful actions in your past relationships scar you to the point where you don’t want to see the other person shine without you. Why? Because YOU messed up. It is a selfish way of thinking, but it is common. This is how I analyze Chris Brown and Karruche’s situation. Although Chris Brown may have a deep rooted issue of abusiveness, it doesn’t negate the fact that he is probably regretful of his actions towards his ex in their relationship. Being that he can literally see her moving on with life, and excelling without his crutch, it burns him deep. To me, that’s one of the reasons why he reacts the way he does when she tries to elevate; because of his regret and how it has scarred him to see Karrueche doing better without him. People like Chris Brown develop the mindset that “what was once mine is always mine”, and because it’s not a fact, their jealousy shows more than anything. What they will sometimes do is try to make that person feel like less, or like they need them, but that might not even be close to the case.
People in relationships are also very territorial, and although it may be more understandable why, it is still unhealthy to be overly possessive of another person. Usually, this turns into an issue of control, and making someone feel like property, rather than your partner. Once one person is being manipulated in a relationship, that’s a big red flag, and it needs to be addressed before it further damages the person, and the relationship. It’s a cycle that happens often, where people forget about themselves in attempt to make their partner satisfied.
When I hear lyrics like “…. He can have your sex, I got your soul; Just don’t give that to no one else, oh no …”, it makes me think. That “beg for her back” R&B is what we usually love, but is it what we should be promoting? Or lines like “… you’ve moved on, but you still are my shorty …” (sorry, I’ve been listening to Tory Lanez all day), is it really ok to claim someone who you have also acknowledged to have moved on? It may seem minimal, but the music that we listen to is influential in our decisions at times. Yes, we love it, but we also must be mindful of what it promotes. I’m going to seem like a hypocrite by continuing to listen to these records, day in and day out, but it is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind, for some time.
I say all of that to say this: Dealing with someone who is over-territorial is ultimately very dangerous. Being that you were born alone, and will die alone, it is important to understand that no matter with who you surround yourself, or fall in love with, you are still an individual and you belong to no one. Even if you achieve marriage, and you’ve now become intertwined with your spouse, no one can take away your distinctiveness. Exes, and past partners who cannot accept this fact are toxic. Keeping them around you will do nothing but bring bad energy and spark life into a cycle that you do not need. My advice is to not allow anyone to feel as if they own you. EVER.
— The Multi-Talented Gentleman
